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Jon Gosselin Has a Sex Tape, Loves Cocaine
National Enquirer is reporting today that Jon Gosselin might be at risk of losing custody of his kids after his bodyguard is set to testify against Jon regarding his drug use and a sex tape with a prostitute. Ewww…
Jon’s bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched Jon’s secret sex tape! “Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape!” said Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s former flame and family nanny. “Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. “He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”
Jon’s friends paid a hooker to have sex with him and filmed it for him. This doofus has really nice friends. Naturally, no attractive woman would willingly have sex with him without strings attached because Jon Gosselin is one of the least appealing jackasses alive. Between his crossed eyes, and his bad hair plugs, and his overabundance of general dorkiness it’s a wonder he’s not still stuffed in a locker in his high school. That being said, I’d still watch the sex tape for the laughs. I picture it something like this - the girl gets naked, Jon blushes and snorts while laughing with embarrassment, then fumbles around on top of her for a couple minutes, kneeing her in the stomach a couple times, finishes before he gets inside her, and cries in a corner as the girl is leaving. Then he orders up Chinese food.
Here’s Greek model, Christina Stefanidi, because she looks kind of Asian and she’s not Jon Gosselin:
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Keywords: Christina Stefanidi, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin
October 1st, 2009
Jon & Kate are Suspended
Jon Gosselin posted this sign on the front gate of his property claiming the show is ruining his kids’ lives (a.k.a. “You fired me and now I’m fussy.” stomp stomp waaa). Jon’s lawyer’s statement via The Insider:
“Gosselin’s attorney writes to TLC lawyers in a second letter: “Effective immediately no production crews are to enter Jon Gosselin’s family home for any reason. In the event that anyone enters the marital property, Jon Gosselin will notify the local authority to effectuate Police action against any trespassers.”"
TLC’s response is as follows (via People):
“We are aware of Jon Gosselin’s recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior. He and the family were shooting as recently as last Friday, without incident, and his latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic,” TLC said in a statement to PEOPLE. “Despite Jon Gosselin’s repeated self destructive and unprofessional actions, he remains under an exclusive contract with TLC. Direct filming of the children has been currently suspended, pending further conversations between both parents.”
In translation the TLC head honcho really said, “LOL! What a retard! Look at that sign. He can’t even spell “penalty” or his own name correctly.” Then he hung a sign from his dick which read “SUCK IT, JON” and begged his lawyers to send a picture of it with their reply.
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Keywords: Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin
September 29th, 2009Jon and Kate, Minus Jon, Minus Divorce?
Just after it was announced that Jon Gosselin was fired from his show and it will be renamed “Kate Plus 8,” Jon Gosselin announced he doesn’t want to divorce Kate anymore. A shocked In Touch Weekly reports:
“Shockingly, today, Jon submitted a document to a Pennsylvania court-approved arbitrator, which he hopes will suspend his split with Kate for 90 days. He explains, “This will enable Kate and me to restore our relationship as cooperative parents and to open up our lines of communication. I hope that she will be as receptive and enthusiastic as I am to do what is best for our family.” He also pleaded with her to set aside their anger so they can start interacting amicably. “I would like to get back with Kate as a partner in parenting,” Jon tells In Touch. “Even though we were heading for a divorce, it appeared that Kate had been suffering from this divorce as much as I had. That’s why I asked my attorney to put the brakes on this divorce so I could try to regain control over the future of our family. So Kate and I could join on a cooperative course that would benefit our family — not destroy it.”
This show wasn’t popular because these people are admirable. The only entertainment factors were watching their adorable little tardlets hit each other, scream, bump into walls, and chew on rags. And the topper was watching these people deal with their scientific experiments as they get bigger and louder, and watch these two progressively hate and wish death upon each other more with each passing day. So, yeah, get back together = get your ratings back. Good move, I say.
Kate without her flattering professional lighting a few months ago:
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Keywords: Bikini, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Upskirt
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