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Gwyneth Paltrow is with Sweaty Armpits

Gwyneth Paltrow knows she has pretty legs. She showed them off by choosing the right outfits in the “Iron Man” UK Charity Premiere in London (April 24, 2008).

But not in this year’s “Iron Man 2″ Los Angeles Photocall in Beverly Hills (April 23). Ok, she looks amazing in that dress. Perfect face, well-toned body, and [still] beautiful legs.

Unfortunately, I can see the sweaty armpits over there (right and left, ouch!) Deodorant! Yes, she just forgot to roll it on.

The Internet is already abuzz with Star’s exclusive story about Coldplay frontman Chris Martin’s hot make-out session with a beautiful blonde who wasn’t Gwyneth Paltrow. In fact, the Brit singer was locking lips with his better half’s good friend, Kate Bosworth. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” an eyewitness tells Star in our Nov. 16 issue. “There was Chris totally making out with Kate in front of other people. At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!”

Gwyneth Paltrow is a miserable, pasty, American hating, hoity-toity twat, so learning her British husband is cheating on her with another pasty blonde - who’s an American - had Gwyneth inflamed with rage. Sadly, Gwyneth’s cold dead skin acts as a retardant to those flames so she’s still alive…and dead.

Below is Gwyneth parked in a handicapped spot in the Hamptons a couple months ago, because she’s more important than anyone and laws don’t apply to her. I’ve also attached Kate Bosworth in a bikini last year because she’s a bony bobblehead, too, and I’m fair.

Chris Martin is Cheating on Gwyneth Paltrow with Kate Bosworth

So when Gwyneth Paltrow is on the cover of any magazine, nobody buys it. Maybe that’s because Gwyneth is one of the most self absorbed assholes in Hollywood. When she’s not scoring jobs because her mommy and daddy called in favors, she’s telling the world how much America sucks and how much better she is than everyone. At this point the only way you could get anyone to pick up one of her magazines is if it was on the ground and they needed something to scrape dog crap off their shoe. And even then they’d turn the page to one without her picture because Gwyneth is so disgusting to look at.