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August 12th, 2009

Kim Kardashian is White Trash

Kim, I realize this is unfamiliar territory, but you don’t need to try this hard to attract a white guy. They’re not all cooking meth in shacks with washing machines on their porches and broken down IROCs on their front lawns. While your drastic measures are appreciated, they’re really not necessary.

It’s a wig! Did I have you fooled? I did a fabulous photo shoot this weekend and they put this hair piece on! I haven’t taken it off since, because I’m really loving the look. I’ve been wearing it around New York and everyone thought it was my real hair! It’s making me want to dye my hair and maybe go lighter for the summer.

Looking like Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Lopez isn’t a good thing, Kim. And this isn’t blonde. Dark hair like yours never looks good when you try to bleach it blonde. It always ends up looking like a fried mess - like an orange haystack. Why ruin a perfectly nice looking thing? It’d be like taking a rich attractive white girl and putting her in a sex tape with some black, douche, rapper wannabe … oh, wait. Nevermind.

I am a huge fan of Forever 21 and I’m very happy they have expanded their line to include a plus-size range, but I am not in that size category and this article makes it sound like I am! I am a curvy girl and I love my curves, but curvy and plus-sized are two very different things. I work really hard to maintain my curves while staying slim and healthy, so to be classed as a “fuller-figured woman” of extra large proportions is a little offensive.

For the record, I am a size 2, not 2XL.

For the record, Kim is also 5 foot nothing, so the boobs and butt are exaggerated on her midgety frame and make her look bigger than she is. Not that I believe she’s a size 2. If I was as rich as her I could also afford to have people sew the number 2 into the lining of my clothes. Or I’d just do what I do now, write the number 1 on the tags with a Sharpie. Unfortunately, everyone just laughs and calls me a big fat Star Trek fan.

Kim at a gym photo-op on April 15th and at a nail salon on April 19th: