Britney Spears Wants To Be Unfrozen Caveman Retard

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Britney Spears Wants To Be Unfrozen Caveman Retard

Not satisfied with having marred the music industry and generations of impressionable girls in this lifetime, Britney Spears would like to screw thing up in the future by using cryogenics to freeze herself and then Austin Powers herself in the future. The Sun reports:

A pal of the star said: “Brit gets these obsessions and this is the latest. “It started when someone told her Walt Disney had been preserved by cryogenics to be revived in the future. That was a myth but it got her researching the foundation and she became convinced it was worth a shot. “Brit found the whole thing so interesting she spent most of her Mother’s Day trip to Disneyland researching the subject on the internet while a nanny took the boys round the park. “She looked into having her ashes turned into diamonds after she is gone but settled on the chance of getting to live in the future.” But before she invests loads of cash, she has to convince her dad Jamie, who currently holds the purse strings. The source went on: “Jamie is quite happy to let Brit have her little obsessions, especially when it means she’s holed up on the internet safely or watching the Discovery Channel.

Don’t think for a second this isn’t true. Of course it’s true. Every time I see an interview with Britney I catch myself drooling and looking as slack-jawed as she does. She’s one of the dumbest human beings ever created. I’d love to watch her watching the Discovery Channel. Every time an animal runs off screen she probably runs into the next rooms trying to find them. I wonder how many times her handlers have searched the neighborhood for her and found her in somebody’s yard lookin’ for duh anterlopes that runned away. Them lions were a-chasin ‘em an’ I didn’t wan’ ‘em tuh get me too! Are duh anterlopes okay, y’all??

Britney shopping on Robertson Blvd. earlier this month: