I’m going to live blog American Idol tonight because it’s on its last leg and it’s either this or
finish start taking down my Christmas decorations.
8:01 – Obama stuff, “yes we can,” and yes the fans can’t remember the name of this show.
8:05 – Shania is hot, the frizzy haired blonde is, too. Billions of commercials ahead.
8:11 – Amy Lame overdoing it.
8:14 – Shania is horrified. And wanting to murder this bitch.
8:15 – Randy said “yeeaah yeeah” again.
8:16 – Charity sang Summertime in Paris Hilton baby voice and got a golden ticket.
I need a cocktail.
Cindy Crawford is hawking her furniture.
Welcome back to Chicago.
8:18 – Poor Shania.
8:19 – Would be nice to know what these people are talking about, but we didn’t get to see their auditions.
8:20 – We passed up all those other auditions for Angela and her traffic warrant? Christ.
Trying not to forget what I’m doing here in favor of masturbating to anything other than this.
Michelle Obama and her scary eyebrows scaring people into charging 10 bucks on their cell phone bill.
8:34 – I like Curly. Give that man a ticket.
8:37 – Tiny Tim and his chins stay in character.
Another hour of commercials. Coming up, another sob story… Trying not to kill myself before it’s back.
8:44 – The champ is here. Randy’s teeth are 70 shades too white. No wonder Simon quit. Poor Shania.
More poor Shania.
8:47 – Shania wets her pants for a not all that talented Asian dude.
Ryan Seacrest promising a sob story after an hour of commercials. Can’t wait.
8:47 – Ryan Seacrest bought his shirt at Forever 21
I fell asleep.
Rewound my DVR, replayed…missed nothing.
8:59 – Poor Shania.
Keywords: american idol
The Golden Globes were, as usual, predictable and nauseating. Ricky Gervais snuck in some pretty decent jabs at the expense of some people in the room and their collective egos. The highlight of the night was Mo ‘Nique winning for Precious and sucking as much time off the clock as possible by taking an hour to get to the podium and another hour to babble on and on about how God gave her this award (because he wanted the other people to lose, right Mo?), and then doth protested too much about her husband. Mo ‘Nique was wearing all the curtains from Master P’s house as a dress, so when the night was over she gave those back to him. Then Mo and her husband went home where they each went to their own rooms and Hubby spent the evening painting his toenails and making out with his Neil Patrick Harris autograph.
Lovely. Gorgeous. Stunning…
I’ve been commenting on Mischa Barton’s dumshit clothing choices for half a decade, and clearly she’s only gotten less able to dress herself, so I give up. Mischa, if you want to look like the two words to describe you are “I” and “amfat” then it’s all you. Don’t say I didn’t try to help.
Keywords: mischa barton
As you may have heard, Tila Tequila’s fiance, Casey Johnson was found dead on Monday. Since then Tila Tequila has been spending her time babbling on Twitter and writing 4th grade level poetry about how grief stricken she is over the death of her “Wifey.” Yesterday she took a break from grieving to pose for paparazzi outside her home and remind people how ugly she is. Not pictured: US Marines and Alabama Blacksnake