Nicole Kidman is Not Tiger Woods

Apologies for being gone so long, but shit happens. I missed you more.

I’ve received your messages asking me to weigh in on this Tiger Woods saga, but I don’t have it in me to post every time a new hooker announces Tiger is one of her clients, so my thoughts on all of this will be limited to this one post, at least for now. So here goes…

Tiger Woods is a goofy looking dork who would not have scored any of this good looking tail in his lifetime unless he paid for it or had enough money to attract it. He’s not even charming or witty unless he’s reading a script. Bottom line is he’s a doofus with a billion dollars who’s doing what any uncharismatic goober would do … he’s getting as much as he can before his hot Swedish wife renders him ‘only’ a millionaire sans endorsements.

In other news, here’s Nicole Kidman at the NINE premiere Tuesday night with white crap all over her face. She went on a rant about Castro and Sosa. Then she went on asking if people would say hello to her little friend, and then it reached a new uncomfortable level when she was hugging and kissing her dead, half naked seester. She’s nuts, that Nicole. Tom’s fault.

See Also

• The End of Tiger Woods?
• Rachel Uchitel’s Popularity Needs No Process
• You Cannot Resist Rachel Uchitel (But Prepare to Lose All of Your Money)
• Jessica Simpson is Still Trying Too Hard
• All Nicole Kidman news

Keywords: nicole kidman, tiger woods