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Lindsay Lohan is an Obituary Waiting to Happen
Lindsay Lohan is abusing drugs, and wallowing in self pity again. Star reports:
“The once-promising actress collapsed during a week-long party, as her vodka, cocaine and prescription pills habits caught up with her. Now as Star reports in its Oct. 26 issue — on newsstands now — her few remaining friends fear it is too late to saver her. She’s a wreck, a mess, a disaster,” one tells Star. “She an obituary waiting to happen.” Despite three trips to rehab and two DUI arrests, all before her 23rd birthday, Linds cannot stop herself from drowning her sorrows. Even the night before her big runway debut with her Emanuel Ungaro clothing line she was up till dawn partying. And once the scathing reviews were in for her line, things got worse. “She was crushed,” says one insider who saw her at a bash thrown by photographer Mario Testino. “Her eyes were red and puffy, and at one point she started shouting and tearing up.” Soon after, Lindsay collapsed on a couch and passed out. “Her friends had to get her out of there before things got any worse.” Lindsay’s career is in shambles and her tumultuous relationship with girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson finally seems to be over for good. Lindsay even went on a bizarre Twitter tirade against Sam and her family on Oct. 13, claiming that Sam won’t speak to her “because her family will cut her off if she contacts me. They control the one I love and I’m incapable of making any sort of difference.” One of Lindsay’s friends adds, “She’s definitely hit rock bottom. The next level is six feet under.“
You can only cling to the “I had a rough childhood and my parents sucked” excuse for your self destruction for so long before people stop caring whether you live or die. Especially when the worst thing your parents are is morons. If Lindsay’s dad shot her up with heroin and raped her which sparked a decade long incestuous love affair, then I might have a shred of sympathy for Lindsay. But all I can do now is point to scenic cliffs for her to jump off of and give her train schedules so she knows the best places to park on the tracks.
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Keywords: Lindsay Lohan
Leona Lewis Got Punched in the Face
Leona Lewis was signing copies of her autobiography in London when some psycho suddenly punched her in the eye. BBC News reports:
“One fan at the scene told the BBC: “My brother saw the whole incident. He [the attacker] walked up there with the book, she signed it and, as she looked up, he just punched her. “He [my brother] actually heard the impact.” Another eyewitness added: “She was running out with her hand over her eye and I just saw a man on the floor. “Suddenly the security all jumped on him and they were trying to pull him out and he was just laughing, he thought it was funny.”"
I know technically she’s pretty, but there’s something about Leona Lewis that bugs me, something that’s not quite right. It might be that squinty, wincing look she has that reminds me of Renee Zellweger, or maybe it’s that every time I see her I hear Robin Williams saying, “Ah, a boy. I don’t work with the males, because I used to be one.”
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Keywords: Leona Lewis
Boobs, Butts, and Best Movie Quotes
Marisa Miller Photoshopped tits for Victoria’s Secret [Drunken Stepfather (nsfw)]
Ashton Kutcher was an asshole to January Jones [Dlisted]
Lucy Pinder topless in Nuts [Hollywood Tuna]
Drunk Una Healy upskirt [Taxi Driver Movie (nsfw)]
Naomi Campbell’s bikini backside [Hollywood Rag]
The “Other” 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time (video greatness) [Pajiba]
Jon Gosselin ordered to return $180,000 [ICYDK]
Fergie is back on the meth [City Rag]
Notorious B.I.G. Hannah Montana Mashup [College Humor]
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Keywords: Marisa Miller
Shauna Sand Sex Tape Stuff
Next week Vivid will release the least “stolen sex tape” looking “stolen sex tape” ever starring Shauna Sand professional lighting, professional hair, professional makeup goop, professional camera work, and a professional stud. Shauna Sand looks exactly like the cheap ass blow up dolls people buy as gag gifts which aren’t meant to be serious masturbatory aids. I once played a prank on my softball team by painting nipples on all of our softballs. It was nice of Shauna to carry on my joke in her own funny way.
NSFW, duh:
Very NSFW source: Shauna Sand Exposed
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Keywords: Nsfw, Shauna Sand, Topless
Arnold Schwarzenegger is Anti-Paparazzi
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is helping clog an already overburdened court system by signing a bill which will make it easier for celebrities to sue media outlets. MSNBC reports:
“A statement issued Monday says the former “Terminator” star had signed a number of bills, including the amendment to a decade-old law that allows fines against paparazzi who illegally or offensively take photos or recordings. The amendment permits lawsuits against media outlets that pay for and make first use of material they knew was improperly obtained.”
Specifically, they’re talking about photos like the ones below — where a skank like Britney Spears goes to L.A. paparazzi hotspots without underwear, and if she thinks the photos are unflattering, she’ll sue everyone who shot, sold, and showed them. Really, it should be the other way around. We should be able to sue Britney for going out like this and flashing her butt-haired, toilet paper residue having snatch all over the place. True story, I died twice while revisiting the photos below.
NSFW Biohazard:
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Keywords: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Britney Spears, Nsfw, Upskirt
Jennifer Love Hewitt Forgot Something
Pants. These are not pants. These are pantyhose. These are underwear. These go under things. Things like pants.
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Keywords: Jennifer Love Hewitt
Magnificent Chichis, Panties, and Zombies
Christina “Magnificent Chichis” Hendricks gets married [Dlisted]
Una Healy panty upskirt [Taxi Driver Movie (nsfw)]
Shakira in fetish gear for i-D magazine [Drunken Stepfather (nsfw)]
Kristen Bell takes on Christina Aguilera [Pajiba]
Pamela Anderson’s dress has a nude escape [Hollywood Rag]
Kim Kardashian pumps it [Hollywood Tuna]
Dita Von Teese poses for Harper’s Bazaar [ICYDK]
Madonna and her gloved man-hand with Penelope Cruz [City Rag]
An Interview With Zombieland Director Ruben Fleischer [College Humor]
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Keywords: Christina Hendricks
Amy Winehouse Has Exploding Boobs
Amy Winehouse backed up her goddaughter, Dionne Bromfield, on Strictly Come Dancing and was rushed to the hospital afterward fearing her new breasts “might explode.” Via Mirror UK:
“A friend of the Rehab singer tells us: “Amy started shouting, ‘I need to see someone, my boobs are f***ing killing me.’ “Her manager quickly sorted a car to get her to the London Clinic. Typically, Amy made the driver stop off at Nando’s for some chicken – she said she didn’t want hospital food. “The doctors ordered her to stay overnight to make sure everything was OK. She only had her breasts lifted a few days ago and she should have been resting to let them heal instead of running around town.””
The thought of what seeps out of Amy Winehouse’s exploded boobs is nothing short of terrifying. However, it will come in handy when you need to burn holes through steel so you can make your way to the escape pod. Go, Sigourney, go!
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Keywords: Amy Winehouse
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