October « 2009 « SuperiorGossip.Com

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Lindsay Lohan is Getting Worse, and Oranger

Lindsay Lohan’s dad allegedly threatened to kidnap her in the hopes that he could force her to get treatment for her obvious drug and alcohol addiction (a story which he is denying today). But that’s neither here nor there because I think there are more pressing matters at hand, such as the fact that she’s morphing into Donatella Versace. What is Donatella? Is she even legally human? She looks like she’s been dead for a while yet manages to somehow keep on living. Like she was the lab rat for Isabella Rossellini’s serum before she perfected it and gave it to Goldie Hawn and Meryl Streep.

Lindsay Lohan is Getting Worse, and Oranger

“Simon and Ryan have had their fun poking at each other’s sexuality for eight seasons now, even though neither one of them is gay. “With an openly gay woman coming on board, an effort is being made to make her feel welcome,” a source divulged. “Simon’s been told, and to a lesser extent Ryan too, that the act is played out anyway, so no more ribbing each other about being gay. The ‘Idol’ bosses don’t want it.” Simon has ribbed Ryan mercilessly about his sexuality for years, even advising him to “lose the beard” when he briefly dated actress Teri Hatcher. Meanwhile, Ryan has joked that Simon is a cross-dresser. “Idol” boss Simon Fuller was never fond of the gay joshing, according to another source, but the show’s former producer Nigel Lythgoe thought it was hilarious. “Nigel thought the gay talk was over the heads of most of the kids who watch the show,” the source told The Enquirer. “But Simon (Fuller) says with Ellen coming on board, he wants it stopped.””

This post is also known as “We’re Just Kidding, Ryan Seacrest is Totally Gay,” and “Had To Squeeze That Last Gay Joke in There While We Could Because Nobody is Going to Watch This Soon To Be Canceled Gay Show Anymore.”

“In the commercial, the cartoon version of Marion Barber says, “Man, I still can’t believe Tony dated Jessica Simpson, even after she blew up bigger than Flozell Adams!” The cartoon version of Jason Witten says, “Unlike Tony, at least Jessica comes up big when it counts!” And the cartoon version of coach Wade Phillips adds, “Say Tony, is Jessica around? We could use a defensive tackle!” Fox issued a statement saying, “Burger King did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp., approved it before it aired. “Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive, and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.”"

I guess this was probably only funny to Cowboys fans. I’m a Cowboys fan and I thought it was hilarious and I don’t care if it was cheap and juvenile. Jessica Simpson was nothing but a distraction and a jinx when she was dating Tony Romo and her association with the Cowboys was an embarrassment to the team and its fans. The fans’ hatred of her was duly noted and well publicized, yet she kept turning her relationship with Tony into a big publicity stunt for herself and thumbed her nose at Dallas fans. This commercial wasn’t seen by massive amounts of people and is only popular now because Jessica Simpson publicly cried about it - and is using it to sell her new TV series about fat girls being comfortable in their skin.

So fuck her.

If I worked for the Dallas Cowboys I’d have a “Stay Puft Marshmallow Jessica Day” where ticket holders are given free marshmallow men with Jessica heads on them, and I’d even have a bonfire set up if they want to gather ’round and make s’mores out of them. And no, Jessica, you can’t have seconds. One per person.