October « 2009 « SuperiorGossip.Com

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Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Dead Yet

Lindsay Lohan aged another 10 years this week and here she is over the last few days doing the only things she does well, partying hard and finding things to put inside her vagina. Some of these pictures are her leaving Wonderland (nightclub, not drug rehab) with a dude who, according to The Sun, is a model she just met named Petey who went back to her room at the Chateau Marmont, and was then seen leaving the next morning doing the walk of shame thing with Lindsay, and carrying her bags. I was going to say Lindsay’s vagina is like The Giving Tree, except it only gives bad things and you don’t want kids anywhere near it. So I guess it’s not like The Giving Tree at all – other than being a dead green stump.

New York Times reviewer Ben Brantley, the most influential on Broadway, while confessing that he was initially ‘rooting’ for Ms Miller, wrote: ‘If Julie is written as clashing chords of conflicted impulses, Ms. Miller plays them like a novice at a piano, plunking down each note loudly and individually.’

But, ultimately, Brantley’s praise is limited to Miller’s “good diction, good posture and great legs. Commendable as these attributes are, they are of limited use in portraying a tautly wound, death-courting neurotic who is eaten alive by her own demons.”

Terry Teachout, theatre critic for the Wall Street Journal also stuck the knife in. He said: ‘A model turned second-tier movie star, all she does is stalk around the stage striking vampy poses… she has no more business playing a classic stage role than I have posing for the cover of Vogue.’

Slightly more approving is Michael Kuchwara, who for the Associated Press also notes that Miller “looks sensational: blonde hair done up in a quintessential 1940s ‘do, her trim figure wrapped in a pert floral print dress that shows off her great legs. The very model of a seducer awaiting to commence seduction … And there is a relentless quality to Sienna Miller’s performance, not terribly subtle or vulnerable, but compelling in its obsessiveness.”

It was good of all of these reviewers to state the obvious as their last resort when struggling to say something nice. I would have added something like, “Sienna looked surprisingly less trashy than normal giving her an almost saint-like quality.” Or “Sienna was almost unrecognizable without somebody else’s husband attached to her vagina.” Or “Sienna who?”