Lindsay Lohan aged another 10 years this week and here she is over the last few days doing the only things she does well, partying hard and finding things to put inside her vagina. Some of these pictures are her leaving Wonderland (nightclub, not drug rehab) with a dude who, according to The Sun, is a model she just met named Petey who went back to her room at the Chateau Marmont, and was then seen leaving the next morning doing the walk of shame thing with Lindsay, and carrying her bags. I was going to say Lindsay’s vagina is like The Giving Tree, except it only gives bad things and you don’t want kids anywhere near it. So I guess it’s not like The Giving Tree at all – other than being a dead green stump.
Keywords: lindsay lohan
Heidi Klum’s favorite photographer and good friend, Rankin, published a new book called Heidilicious as a tribute to Heidi Klum which “captures all of her various moods and personas” with beautiful photography and offers people a rare glimpse into what Heidi Klum “is really like.” It’s also known as, “That thing under the bed next to the jizz towel.”
Some of these might be NSFW:
Rosie O’Donnell has a new show on Sirius radio so to try and scrape up an audience she was a guest on Howard Stern’s Sirius radio show and claimed Angelina Jolie was almost her girlfriend. E! News says:
The talk-show icon blabbed to Howard Stern on Sirius XM radio about a time before she was married to Kelli Carpenter and Angelina had tied the knot with Billy Bob Thornton. A romance, she claimed, was a-bloomin’. “She gave me her phone number,” Rosie said. “We talked on the phone two or three times, but that was that. There was a tentative plan to have dinner that never came through.” Fear got the best of Rosie and she wasn’t able to seal the deal. “I was a little afraid of her,” she said. “She’s scary in a sexual kind of way. I have dreams about her a lot still.”
In sum, it actually went something like this:
Rosie: Angie, gimme your number and we can talk about me giving money to your charity.
Angie: Great, okay it’s ***-***-****
Rosie: (ring ring)
Rosie: Hey baby! It’s O’Donnell! So let’s cut to the chase. I want you, you want me, so when we gonna make this happen?
Rosie: (ring ring)
Rosie: (ring ring)
And it went on like that until Angie changed her number.
Diddy masturbating for trannies in Rio [Drunken Stepfather (nsfw)]
Shauna Sand takes her Playboy boobs clubbing [Hollywood Rag]
Grace Jones flashing her crotch monster in Rio [Dlisted]
Lindsay Lohan poses topless again [Hollywood Tuna]
Lily Allen upskirt [Taxi Driver Movie (nsfw)]
The Ten Biggest Animated Flops of All Time [Pajiba]
Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom put the kiss of death on their marriage [ICYDK]
Miranda Kerr’s hottest Victoria’s Secret photoshoot [Heyman Hustle]
Rose McGowan involved in mugging [City Rag]
Derek Jeter and A-Rod playing a little grabass [College Humor]
Keywords: shauna sand
In a new biography, Andrew Morton (author of famous books such as Diana: Her True Story, and the book Tom Cruise hates more than that infamous South Park episode, Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography) reveals that a 16 year-old Angelina Jolie had sex with her mother’s live-in boyfriend. The Sun reports:
Angelina was devastated when her mother died of cancer, in 2007, at the age of 56. Reports in Now magazine claim that the two women struggled to rebuild their relationship after the Changeling star confessed to the night of passion. “Marcheline had a live-in boyfriend whom she was very much in love with, but Ange slept with him when she was 16 and barely out of school,” said a source. “Her mother found out and ended her relationship with the man. “When Ange admitted the story to her brother JAMES just a few weeks ago, even he turned on her. She has hardly anyone left in life who likes or trusts her.” Angelina is now reported to be reconciled with her father JON VOIGHT, with whom she has had a rocky relationship in the past.
An important note: Angelina Jolie was 16 years old in the photoshoot attached to this post, so it would take a strong willed man to refuse the advances of a seductress who looked and acted like this at her age. Regardless, the man still had sex with a minor, and in California they call that statutory rape. And in prison they call that, “C’mere boy! Time to rip ya where the good lord split ya!”
Keywords: angelina jolie
Jessica-Jane Clement is one of those celebrities who’s famous in the U.K. for being on a reality show and posing naked in magazines, but she wins a spot here for doing her part to fight breast cancer. After spending an entire day yesterday watching hundreds of NFL men dressed in various pink accessories, it’s a nice break to see a woman wearing one, on her breasts, and then getting felt up in public. I plan on wearing the same pink bikini top today and offering free boob grabs, but my reasoning has nothing to do with breast cancer, rather it’s solely based on the fact that I’m a total slut.
Charlize Theron auctioned off a kiss to benefit the ONEXONE charity last week and ended up locking lips with a girl. Us reports:
And while she was initially selling a 2010 trip to South Africa that included World Cup tickets, a safari and a meet-and-greet with Nelson Mandela, she raised the stakes when bidding stalled at $37,000, far below the $280,000 Jeremy Piven had just raised. “For f*** sake! You can do better,” she tells attendees. “There is no way I am leaving here with Jeremy Piven getting a higher bid. I’ve got t**** for God’s sake.”To sweeten the pot, she offered up a 7-second kiss for $130,000 to a male bidder. “Swine flu is going around. This is high risk kissing!” she told him. After one man bid $135,000, a woman upped the stakes to $140,000 — ascending the stage for a 20-second smooch as the audience counted down.
I know this happened last week, but it’s going up anyway because it’s a great follow for this Sienna Miller post. See, like Sienna, Charlize Theron is also a model turned actress. Sienna acts like herself, Charlize turns herself into an ugly serial killer. Charlize kisses girls to benefit charity, Sienna has sex with other people’s husbands to benefit herself. Charlize wins Academy Awards, Sienna wins trips to the abortion clinic. A better picture of these two would be a pegasus standing at the end of a rainbow in a beautiful meadow and the dump she just took steaming in the grass nearby.
The opening night for Broadway’s After Miss Julie, starring Sienna Miller and ex-Mr. Angelina Jolie, Johnny Lee Miller, was last night and the reviews are good – about Sienna Miller’s looks. Via Daily Mail and People:
New York Times reviewer Ben Brantley, the most influential on Broadway, while confessing that he was initially ‘rooting’ for Ms Miller, wrote: ‘If Julie is written as clashing chords of conflicted impulses, Ms. Miller plays them like a novice at a piano, plunking down each note loudly and individually.’
But, ultimately, Brantley’s praise is limited to Miller’s “good diction, good posture and great legs. Commendable as these attributes are, they are of limited use in portraying a tautly wound, death-courting neurotic who is eaten alive by her own demons.”
Terry Teachout, theatre critic for the Wall Street Journal also stuck the knife in. He said: ‘A model turned second-tier movie star, all she does is stalk around the stage striking vampy poses… she has no more business playing a classic stage role than I have posing for the cover of Vogue.’
Slightly more approving is Michael Kuchwara, who for the Associated Press also notes that Miller “looks sensational: blonde hair done up in a quintessential 1940s ‘do, her trim figure wrapped in a pert floral print dress that shows off her great legs. The very model of a seducer awaiting to commence seduction … And there is a relentless quality to Sienna Miller’s performance, not terribly subtle or vulnerable, but compelling in its obsessiveness.”
It was good of all of these reviewers to state the obvious as their last resort when struggling to say something nice. I would have added something like, “Sienna looked surprisingly less trashy than normal giving her an almost saint-like quality.” Or “Sienna was almost unrecognizable without somebody else’s husband attached to her vagina.” Or “Sienna who?”
Keywords: sienna miller