September « 2009 « SuperiorGossip.Com

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Mushmouth from Fat Albert Has a Michael Jackson Update

Only 7 or so years after he died, Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest last night in a “private” ceremony. Reverend Alb Sharptonb Twitteredb itb for youb. I already know I’m going to Hell, so I don’t feel bad for laughing at all this absurdity. Everyone in the Jackson family is outer limits. They’re all Clown College on acid. Frankly, I’m shocked they didn’t strap a sequined cape onto Michael’s already gaudy casket and shoot it from a cannon into his grave. I guess they were too busy trying to keep the blowtorch away from Joe so he wouldn’t melt down pieces of it for an HSN jewelry collection.

If you can direct your gaze upward from Lindsay’s deflated frecklebag, you’ll see she’d rather you notice the scratches on her wrist. Lindsay has a history of cutting herself, so this is nothing new. And it’s not like this narcissistic mess would ever cut deep enough to kill herself. She’s just mad that you’re paying more attention to Michael Jackson and DJ AM than you are to her. It would be fun to see what she’d do if the world decided to collectively ignore her for a while. Base jumping naked from a penis shaped blimp over Times Square would be my first guess.

Lindsay Lohan is Cutting Herself, Not Wearing a Bra, Again

“With his mother and four friends in tow, the father of eight hosted a much-hyped Vegas pool party Saturday. It wasn’t long before he was surrounded by women. Moments after walking into his private cabana at MGM Grand’s Wet Republic, several females from the adjacent VIP area approached the tabloid regular. Gosselin seemed at ease with the arrivals as they hung out in his cabana while he ordered Vueve Clicquot Champagne, water and trays of food. Upon arriving on the red carpet, Gosselin told reporters, “It looks like we’ll have a good time” – as 2,000 people danced to the sounds of rock, hip hop and house music. Not everyone was necessarily happy to see him, though. As he walked on the red carpet, one bikinied woman stood on a railing and shouted, “Team Kate”.”

2,000 people wanted to be associated with this douche. Amazing. One minute he’s a mildly retarded looking, socially inept nobody who had to jerk off into cups to impregnate his anally retentive bitch wife, and the next minute he’s the star of a sexy poolside party in Vegas. Jon Gosselin hit the dork lottery. There’s hope for you, yet, G4 TV fans.