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Kanye West’s Girlfriend is a Nightmare

Amber Rose posed for these pictures yesterday at TAO at The Venetian in Las Vegas. I’m not sure why she wants to look like this, but if her reason is “to scare erections away,” then she’s doing a damn fine job. Keep up the good work, Amber.

“Law enforcement sources tell TMZ when they found the body of DJ AM, a bag of crack was found around his groin area. DJ AM’s body was discovered at around 5:27 PM ET yesterday. A law enforcement source on scene tells TMZ a glass “crack pipe” was found in his bedroom. The pill bottles were found in the kitchen.”

He loved hookers and blow. Via Hollywood, Interrupted:

“Adam Goldstein, aka DJ AM (Nicole Richie’s ex), was apparently a friend, as evidenced by I-M chats archived on Dillon’s hard drive. (In one, trying to talk Dillon into forwarding a link to some of his online escorts, Goldstein says, “That’s why I like hookers - they get GONE after your [sic] done. No trying to kick it and get all up in your shit.” “Spoken like a buda,” Dillon replies.)”

I sound insensitive because I am right now. This guy lived through a drug addiction years ago which could have and should have killed him. He was lucky, he had another chance. This guy made millions from pushing the ‘Play’ button on other people’s music at parties. He had it good, he was lucky. This guy lived through a fiery plane crash which should have killed him, and didn’t. He had it good, he was lucky, he had another chance. This dude got dumped by his skanky girlfriend. So he overdosed on drugs. I know too many people dying of shit they can’t control (ie: cancer) to have any sympathy for DJ AM, but I feel bad for his family and friends since he cared more about himself than anyone else.

On a lighter note, when I was floating in my pool today I saw a cloud that looked like Johnny Depp. I think it’s a sign he’ll marry me soon. If it’s not, I’ll probably kill myself. Because I’m trendy like that.

My future husband:

Jennifer Tilly is in St. Tropez doing some poker thing or something. I don’t care why she’s there. I do care very much about her boobs. She has such humongous natural boobs and I’ve always wanted to play with them. Just once. I don’t think I could be trusted to be cool about it though. I’d spark up a conversation and be my fun self, and she’d like me, then after a couple drinks I’d ask if I could touch her boobs, and she’d be cool with it because I’m a girl. Then I’d jiggle them and smack ‘em together, and squish ‘em and bury my face in ‘em, and start singing to them, then Jennifer would start to get uncomfortable because I’d have crossed the line at that point and didn’t know when to let go. Then she’d try to run away and I’d still be hanging on to her breasts, and she’d drag me around trying to kick me off her, and she’d scream for help. Then I’d get arrested and draw pictures of her boobs on my cell wall, and I’d mail letters to her boobs from jail proposing marriage to them, and tell them to dump Jennifer Tilly because she’s all wrong for them, and then I’d kill myself when they didn’t write back. On second thought, I don’t think it’d be a very good idea to play with Jennifer Tilly’s boobs.

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Keywords: Bikini, Boobs, Hot, Jennifer Tilly

Posted by Jenny, Aug 26th, 2009

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Helena Bonham Carter is Ruffly

Don’t ask me why Helena Bonham Carter wore her daughter’s swimsuit this weekend. She’s weird. Weird people do weird things. When your mom asks me why you still wear diapers and eat crayons and I tell her the same thing.