July « 2009 « SuperiorGossip.Com

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Michael Jackson Was Gay, and on Fire

Us Weekly released an exclusive video of the famous Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial where his Jheri curl head caught on fire. In this video you can clearly see how bad the fire was and how disgusting his burned head looked afterward. This is supposedly the exact time in his life when he got addicted to Demerol, started wearing wigs, began molesting boys, having mannequins as best friends, having his face chiseled off, and dressing like a woman and having gay sex in squalid motel rooms.

Oh, about that, The Sun reports:

“MICHAEL Jackson had a string of gay lovers who he seduced by saying: “The King of Pop is going to lick your lollipop”, it was claimed last night. A sensational new book rushed out in the wake of Jackson’s death insists “virtually everybody” around him knew he was gay. And it alleges he would sneak out of his home at midnight dressed as a WOMAN to keep seedy dates with a male lover. Biographer Ian Halperin claims to have tracked down two of the superstar’s alleged male lovers….”

“Halperin makes the bombshell allegations in his book Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson, for which he claims to have interviewed many people who told him Jacko was gay. He said: “Virtually everybody has told me. Even those who are his most ardent defenders, people who maintain he is innocent of the molestation charges, insist that he is homosexually inclined…””

““Michael would leave the house in disguise, often dressed as a woman, and would go to meet his boyfriend at a motel that was one of Vegas’ grungiest dives. “Michael was broke. He struggled to put food on the table for his children. It was all he could afford then.” Halperin adds: “A close aide of Jackson who confirmed the affair to me said that he had no knowledge of what went on behind closed doors at the motel. “But the aide said Jackson would dress as a woman after midnight to meet a worker employed by the city of Las Vegas.” Jackson’s sexuality was a subject of debate as long ago as 1979.”

See, none of this would have happened if Michael Jackson didn’t wear Jheri curl and catch fire. So, if you have hot plans tonight to dip your head in grease and let people light explosives around you, don’t. You’ll end up a flaming gay child molester with mannequin friends. Speaking of which, has anyone seen Andrew McCarthy lately?

In case the video above dies, here’s another one:

Jessica Simpson’s Twitter page is usually full of inane nonsense and God stuff, but this weekend it took an especially sappy turn which led people to wonder what was up with her. She had been planning a ridiculous “Barbie and Ken” themed birthday party for herself this weekend, but then her Twitter updates progressed as follows:

“barbie party didn’t happen, but i turned 29 and feel like i am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER6:54 PM Jul 11th from web

The beat of a heart can make you realize the special rhythm of a person…just listen.7:41 PM Jul 12th from UberTwitter

I like the irregular beat…it sends me to another placeXO7:43 PM Jul 12th from UberTwitter

everyone needs to know that hope floats…grab the strings and pull it back to you9:05 PM Jul 12th from web

Falling asleep with my mom and the dogs. Please lord give all of my beautiful fans, friends, enemies, and family rest. Bring all of us peace11:56 PM Jul 12th from UberTwitter”

Well, all that garbage makes sense now because it’s official, Tony Romo dumped Jessica the day before her birthday. This is the first well executed play Tony Romo’s had in a long time, so it’s worthy of recognition. Not only did he not have to buy her a birthday present, but he was able to avoid being dressed like an idiot at her 6-year-old themed birthday party. There is absolutely no way Tony Romo would have recovered from that embarrassment. Jessica Simpson needs to learn from Liza Minnelli. If she wants to emasculate and play dolly dress-up with her boyfriends, then she needs to date gay men. Or she can just give up, buy a Snuggie, and spend the rest of her life hidden from the public eye surrounded by her 18 cats, because they’re the only ones who’ll truly love her and understand her.

Jessica Simpson and her nipples three years ago before she was dumped by John Mayer: