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Michael Jackson’s Kids are Still Screwed

A custody arrangement has finally been reached in regard to Michael Jackson’s three little purchases. People reports:

“The 79-year-old mother of Michael Jackson will receive full custody of the pop singer’s three children under the terms of a deal that has just been reached, lawyers said Thursday. Deborah Rowe, the mother of Jackson’s two oldest children – Prince Michael I, 12, and Paris, 11 – will get visitation rights with her kids based on a schedule worked out with a child psychologist. Rowe also will receive continued spousal support from her marriage to the singer.”

These kids are test tube babies. They probably don’t even have belly buttons. Now they’re stuck with a senile 79 year old Jehova’s Witness and whoever she hires to handle them. I guess it could be worse. No. No it couldn’t.

Michael Jackson's Kids are Still Screwed

“Jim Albright was Madonna’s boyfriend in the early 1990’s. She met him at the Limelight niteclub and a romance began. These are 2 original micro cassettes that were used in Jim’s answering machine in 1992 and 1993. There are approximately 17 minutes of messages from Madonna to Jim Albright…Estimate: $30,000 - $40,000.”

The faxes are described as follows:

“Some are on her “Maverick” letterhead, others are from the hotels she was staying at such as the Regency Club, The Ritz-Carlton and the Hotel Okura. A few come from her “Boy Toy” offices. She uses the code name “Lola Montez” (a dancer and actress born in Ireland who became famous as a Spanish dancer, courtesan and mistress of King Ludwig I of Bavaria), and sometimes refers to Albright as “Ceasar”, “J”, “James”, “Booty Man” (calling herself “Lil Booty”) and even in one letter writing, “Happy Thanksgiving Sambo.” On the back of one of the faxed letters Albright has handwritten a letter to her, addressing her as “Hey Dumbo” and signing it “Yours Truly, Little Black Sambo Esq.” The pages are mostly 8.5″ x 11″ and overall very good condition. Estimate: $3,000 - $4,000.”

Dumbo, Sambo, and Little Black Sambo, Esq., eh? This is getting me so hot. I can’t imagine the sexy talk on these answering machine messages. “Hey Sambo, it’s me, Lil Booty. I can’t wait to see you again so I can pour some tar all over you on my feather bed, then I’m gonna tie a noose on my tree and take you outside and…ooohhh baby, yesss!”