All involved in that pink and black eyed feud suck, but this song is decent enough to make my ass shake, so here we go:
Eddie Murphy and his baby mama Crappy Spice need to stop shooting up the HGH. This is not cute. You both look like cockroaches, or lobsters before they’re boiled red. Eddie, I liked you so much more before you turned PG on me. Your bumpy stomach was much better covered in leather while talking about Umfufu, Uncle Gus, and Aunt Bunny falling down the steps again.
I know, “who cares,” but here’s the story anyway. Star reports:
“The couple, who began dating in 2006 after he ended his marriage to Jessica Simpson, have broken up, their reps confirmed. “They have amicably split but remain good friends who still greatly care for one another,” Vanessa’s rep said. Talk of trouble has followed the duo for months. Back in May, Star reported that Nick was hitting on a Jessica look-alike at a Kentucky Derby party — the night after he kissed another girl at a club. “He was making it clear he was into her,” an eyewitness said about Nick and Southern Belles star Emily Gimmel, who exchanged numbers. “She was obviously interested too.”"
Both of these people are boring, and together they’re still boring, so there’s no reason to beat that dead horse. Also, Nick Lachey was with Jessica Simpson for years before they got married and never got laid because Jessica wanted to stay a virgin until her wedding night. They’ve both said that Jessica wouldn’t even let him see her tits or get under her clothes during those years. This guy has no business trying to be in a monogamous relationship right now. He needs to be plugging every hole he sees. Especially since almost no one knows who he is anymore. Pretty soon name dropping himself won’t get Nick laid. He’ll, at best, get a laugh or a number to a carpet cleaning business (where he’ll ironically be employed).
Nick and Vanessa having sex in public (NSFW):
Johnny Depp had dinner with a few of his Public Enemies co-stars at Gibson’s steakhouse in Chicago. Johnny Depp left the waiter a $4,000 tip. Radar Online reports:
“The waiter who received a $4000 tip from Johnny Depp has told RadarOnline.com about his night with the superstar! Mohammed A . Sekhani — a veteran waiter at Chicago’s legendary steakhouse Gibsons — told RadarOnline.com: “Johnny and his party arrived just after 11.30pm at the restaurant and requested a private room. He had visited our restaurant several times before while he was filming Public Enemies and he promised me that he would return after the premiere.” Sekhani says Depp and his party ordered appetizers like shrimp cocktails while they prepared his favorite dish Clams Casino – which is clams baked with garlic, pepper and cheese. Said Sekhani : “He also ordered some $500 bottles of Italian wine and he was in good spirits throughout the evening chatting with Mr Mann and Miss Cotillard. I have worked with a lot of stars like Sean Connery and Robert De Niro but Johnny Depp is my favorite. He is a very soft spoken guy who is very charming and sweet – when I wait for him he doesn’t like to be too fussed over and is not in any way demanding.” It’s not the first time Sekhani has waited on Depp. “Because he had visited us before he calls me ‘Mo’ and I know exactly the way he likes to be treated. He may be one of the most famous actors in the world but he is a very ‘humble guy’ and a really cool dude. Obviously, I was delighted with his tip but he has always been very generous every time that he has visited us here at Gibsons. When the party left around 2.30am he smiled and told me that he would return – they were a great group of people.””
You always hear stories like this about Johnny Depp. He’s gracious to his fans, he’s never a primadonna, and he never brings a diva attitude anywhere. He’s just cool. And insanely, ridiculously hot. I would let him do anything he wanted to me, whether legal or illegal. As long as he was touching me. He could take out an axe and chop my legs off, and I’d still swoon and ask if I could clean his axe for him.
Keywords: johnny depp
Shauna Sand’s tits look like Trick-or-Treat bowls you’d find at an adult themed Halloween store. Pull the nipples, lift the lids, and grab your candy. I’m surprised the lifeguards and paramedics aren’t rushing to her aid. She looks like a shark attack victim. That shark was a perv.
Many of these are NSFW:
Jessica Simpson zipped herself into an industrial strength Spanx body corset and called the paparazzi to meet her at La Esquina in New York last night. Thrilling. Thanks for the photo-op, Jess. My favorite part is your personal butt-picker who helps you lift your ass up and out of the seat so you don’t fall face first into the gutter. This dress is like Donna Martin’s mermaid costume on BH 90210. Poor thing can’t even move her legs. Next time, in addition to calling the paparazzi, Jessica should call an ambulance so they can prop one of those boards underneath her to extract her from her car.
Keywords: jessica simpson
Jessica Alba is completely useless and forgettable unless she’s naked or almost naked, so to get people to talk about her she says and does retarded things like vandalizing public and private property with shark posters. TMZ reports:
Oklahoma City cops tell us the city’s Director of Parks and Recreation — Wendell Whisenhunt — filed a police report after photos surfaced of Alba allegedly defacing electrical boxes, a bridge and a United Way billboard. Alba was on a mission, gluing posters that are part of a campaign to save the great whites. The problem — the glue is so gnarly the posters aren’t coming off. Cops say they want to have a chat with Alba, who’s in town filming a movie. Alba, it seems, is scrambling. Her rep has already called the United Way, offering to replace the billboard.
I have two fond memories of Great Whites from when I was living in Santa Barbara. The first memory is when a sea lion was perched on top of a swim buoy next to the pier and had gathered a huge audience of tourists and locals because it was barking and clapping its flippers like it was a Sea World attraction. Then out of nowhere a bigass Great White broke out of the water and bit the sea lion in half. People went running and screaming off the pier like it was a scene from Jaws.
My other memory is of a very popular, local abalone diver who was bitten and killed by a Great White during a dive out at Channel Islands. Judging by the size of the bite, the shark was estimated to be about 15 feet long.
I guess what I’m saying is, Jessica Alba needs to go play on a buoy or dive for abalone if she wants my attention on her cause. We know you were in Into the Blue, Jessica. We get it. Move on.
Credit: TMZ, TheLostOgle
|Posted by Jenny, Jun 9th, 2009||Share||Comments Off|
“For reasons mostly editorial, the “web extra” chapter you are about to enjoy was spiked from my book, Six Degrees of Paris Hilton. So, to celebrate the 2nd season of Paris Hilton’s “My New BFF,” I give you…THE HAM WHISPERER…”
Mark’s book wasn’t necessarily about Paris Hilton, but more about what a vile cesspool of debauchery Hollywood is and how people, such as filthy rich Paris Hilton, keep its Hellbound wheels spinning. However, the following lovely gem that didn’t make it into the final edit of his book shouldn’t be ignored:
“I got in touch with Elizabeth Jawhary, a former Hollywood party girl who claims she serviced both Burkle and Field on occasion. Writer Ben Wallace also met Jawhary doing research in L.A. “She was a recovering meth addict, but she did talk about Paris Hilton being along for the ride,” he says. Indeed, when I first contacted her, she was quick to volunteer, “With Paris it was very low key. She would fly down and I was there with them. We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked, and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I’d be there. And they’d pay to watch us girls going at it. And they’d bring in Augie Busch III.”"
Long story short, Jawhary was one of those young high paid whores who serviced rich and famous clients. Think Heidi Fleiss. But this was bigger than Heidi Fleiss. This was Michelle Braun. This means ugly, dorky, freaky billionaires who pay over $5,000 an hour to watch a few “famous” girls like Paris Hilton and other skanks lick each other for a night while they sit and play with themselves. Easy money.
Of course Paris Hilton denies it. Rush & Malloy reports:
“Paris Hilton finds a lot of things “hot,” but the idea of once taking part in a lesbian sex show is not one of them. For the past six years, the heiress has done her best to prove she’s more than a girl who … well, you know what she did on that sex tape that her skeevy ex-boyfriend sold. But now, having gone on to a half-dozen movie roles, two books, a CD, and fragrance and footwear lines, she’s fending off the claim of a woman who says she and Paris once stripped for high-rollers in Vegas…
A rep for Hilton tells us that claims that the heiress was involved in any such adventure are “totally untrue and a complete fabrication.””
Man, it would be fantastic if the Feds busted Paris Hilton on all her tax evasion one day. From all her private whoring to the kickbacks she’s made from her sex tape there’s bound to be at least a 10 year prison sentence in there somewhere. But if I were them I’d be nervous about opening her books. Never know what sort of mutant viruses might fly out. Instead of 12 Monkeys, it’d be 12 Wonkys.
Click the pics for NSFW versions: