Britney Spears fans, publicists, and handlers would like you to believe that she’s a changed woman, but Britney Spears is still a gross pig. Page Six reports:
“The pop tart took time off from her “Circus” tour to do an Elle magazine shoot, our spy says, and it was a disaster. “They dressed her in all these beautiful couture clothes — and, well, let’s just say she forgot what time of the month it was. It wasn’t pretty.” A rep for Spears didn’t return e-mails. But at least she didn’t let her dog poop on the clothes like she did at an OK! magazine shoot last year.”
The saddest part about this is that almost no one has read this story and assumed it was untrue. Most people are saying, “Same ol’ Britney,” and “At least she’s not pregnant.” That’s thanks to things like this. And things like this (click thumbnails for NSFW pictures (circa Jan. 2008)):
Britney’s career has degraded to an audition tape for Jackass.
“Haylie had her nose done and her chin reduced,” New York City–based plastic surgeon Dr. Thomas P. Sterry, who has not treated Haylie, tells Star, explaining that Haylie’s nose has been shortened, angled upward and rounded off. “I think they made her chin smaller by chipping away at the bone,” he adds. Haylie’s altered appearance, which costs an estimated $20,000, looks like a million bucks!”
Hey now, let’s not go too crazy here. She still looks pretty much the same, but now more like her horsey veneered sister, which means she’s still boring. It’s hard to find people less interesting than the Duff sisters. In fact, as I was writing this I flipped through the channels on my TV to see if I could find something more boring than the Duffs, and I couldn’t. This channel I’m watching now with nothing but a box that says “Not Authorized” and the phone number I can call to order it is pretty goddamn exciting.
Before and after – Haylie in February and Haylie a couple days ago:
Tori Spelling’s mother, Candy, went on a radio show this morning and told the world Tori Spelling is the cause of Aaron Spelling’s death. FOX News reports:
“In an interview with 94.7 WMAS in Springfield, Mass. this morning, Spelling said that she and her “Beverly Hills 90210” star daughter’s relationship has been nonexistent for the past several years. “Ive always been trying to work on the relationship [with Tori],” Spelling said. “I don’t know what the anger is. My daughter one day decided that she wasn’t speaking to my husband, myself and my son and that’s how it’s continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years.” Spelling went one step further however, saying Tori’s abandonment ultimately cost Aaron Spelling his will to live. “It was sad because that’s what killed my husband actually. He just didn’t want to live after that. You know, He had done everything … he could possibly do for his daughter and she wanted no part of him once he couldn’t do anything for her.””
Candy is the same woman who inherited an estimated $300 million when her husband died and she gave Tori and her brother, Randy, less than $1 million each from that entire estate. At this point I’m not quite sure Candy’s human. I think when no one is around she peels off her human skin and she’s some sort of spiny lizard thing with tentacles underneath. And she carries around a trident while wearing a royal robe. And smoke comes out of her nose when she breathes. And she can shoot poison out of her eyes. Ooh, ooh, and she has suction cups on some of her feet! Wow, when I think about it, Candy Spelling is pretty cool!
Before this week, Sanaa Lathan was most famous for starring in AVP: Alien vs. Predator and even then most people still didn’t know who she was. This week she’s famous because her mostly naked friend posed for paparazzi as though they’re gynecologists. I appreciate your effort, Santaa’s friend, but I can’t give you a proper diagnosis unless you remove your g-string. Ask Salmaan to remove them for you.
Some of these are NSFW:
Charlotte Gainsbourg is this woman. She won a Best Actress award at Cannes for a movie called Antichrist, which I haven’t seen. I just saw that she’s attached to a song called “Lemon Incest,” and I see she’s working with Scientologist, Beck, and I see her naked and pasty right now. I also see her strolling in the sand with a Tom Cruise lookalike. I have nowhere to comfortably rest my eyes, so I’m gonna go ahead and leave.
Several of these are NSFW:
Danielle Lloyd and her boyfriend, soccer player (ahem, “footballer”) Jamie O’Hara, went to a club in London the other night where Danielle was attacked and subsequently rushed to a hospital for emergency plastic surgery. The Sun reports:
“Cops arrested two women in their 20s for allegedly attacking her as she partied with £9,000-a-week Jamie, 22. The couple had been to a wedding before heading to the Crystal club in London’s West End — arriving hand-in-hand at 11pm. Jamie was also left dripping in Danielle’s blood after she was allegedly hurled through a glass table in a vicious 2am catfight — sparked by two girls dancing on the back of a VIP sofa she was sitting on. A witness said: “I think one kicked Danielle — it may have been an accident. She got up to remonstrate. “I saw her in a tangle with at least one other woman. Punches and slaps were being thrown. “Danielle came falling backward off the sofa and landed on a table. She cut her leg pretty badly. Jamie and some guy who may have been the other girl’s boyfriend were being held apart by bouncers who threw Jamie out.” As she lay on the pavement, Danielle was heard shrieking: “My leg, my leg.” She needed stitches to a “serious” back wound as well as cosmetic surgery on her limb. Scotland Yard confirmed they were investigating.”
Glass tables are pretty much the worst pieces of furniture ever. They always look like hell unless you Windex them every hour, and they’re evil. They just sit there waiting for someone to fall on them or set something down too hard so they can sever an artery. The only time they’re ever tolerable is when a Heather falls on one or a geek is trapped in one. Apart from that, they’re just tools of the devil.
Keywords: danielle lloyd
David Furnish, Elton John’s boyfriend/husband/whatever, invited Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, to a party on a yacht in Cannes. Of course she behaved like a nasty slut right away and got kicked out. The Mirror reports:
“David met Paris at the Hotel du Cap and invited her to a party on his friend’s yacht. As soon as Paris arrived she had her tongue down Doug’s throat. Everyone kept saying how inappropriate they were being but Paris didn’t care who was looking. They got so worked up she dragged Doug below deck so they could have some private time. But as they were closing the cubicle door so they could tear into each other, they were caught out. David spotted them and the captain was furious. He kicked them off for unsociable behaviour. Everyone congratulated the captain.”
The only things Paris Hilton should ever be invited to are frat parties and porn sets. Anything else should be off limits. I don’t know what these people were expecting when they let Paris Hilton into their party. You’d have better luck with a velociraptor. At least it wouldn’t snort all your coke and spread herpes to half your guests.
Not sure who these people are, but they look nice and the crowd seems to like them. They must be in that Judd Apatow movie or something.
Keywords: angelina jolie