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Megan Fox is a Prostitute
Megan Fox is playing a prostitute in the upcoming film, Jonah Hex, and here she is on set the other day. That corset is laced so tight I can’t imagine how she’s able to pass food from her mouth to her stomach. Maybe she has some guys on set helping her make that happen. I picture it like Roto-Rooter except with penises.
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Lindsay Lohan is Still Almost Naked in Maui
Look at this thing hunching around the rocks on this shore. How does it manage to breathe outside the water? What sort of amphibious predator is this creature? Look at it trying to attack that dog and that girl! Somebody better try to rescue them quickly because judging by the size of those flippers it can swim pretty fast.
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Keywords: ali lohan, bikini, lindsay lohan
Britney Spears is Probably Not Pregnant
Rumors have been swirling that Britney Spears has been having sex with one of her male dancers (and K-Fed), and that she might be pregnant. I think the above video will probably put that rumor to rest. Unless Britney is wearing a tampon to keep the kid from falling out. If I were Britney’s baby I’d fashion that string into a noose and end it now.
Bonus video – Britney getting her extensions pulled out by one of her dancers:
Double bonus – Britney’s “pu**y hanging out” at her Tampa show:
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Lindsay Lohan is Almost Naked Again
Lindsay Lohan is in Maui walking around in a bikini picking her butt and posing for paparazzi. Where the hell is this, anyway? Aren’t there beaches in Maui? This looks like some random, grassy knoll off the side of a road somewhere. She wouldn’t want to potentially blend in and go unnoticed at a public beach. Better off looking like a homeless, albino, street hooker crackwhore. Rawrr.
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Keywords: ali lohan, bikini, boobs, lindsay lohan, side boob
Kim Kardashian is a Blonde
Not really. Kim Kardashian walked around New York this weekend wearing this ugly new hair color. Apparently it’s only a wig. Her blog says:
It’s a wig! Did I have you fooled? I did a fabulous photo shoot this weekend and they put this hair piece on! I haven’t taken it off since, because I’m really loving the look. I’ve been wearing it around New York and everyone thought it was my real hair! It’s making me want to dye my hair and maybe go lighter for the summer.
Looking like Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Lopez isn’t a good thing, Kim. And this isn’t blonde. Dark hair like yours never looks good when you try to bleach it blonde. It always ends up looking like a fried mess – like an orange haystack. Why ruin a perfectly nice looking thing? It’d be like taking a rich attractive white girl and putting her in a sex tape with some black, douche, rapper wannabe … oh, wait. Nevermind.
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Val Kilmer Looks Great
Here’s Kathleen Turner at Mr. Chow this weekend – or at least that’s what the caption said. When I first saw this I thought it was Val Kilmer in drag. I swear he and Kathleen look like they could be twins nowadays. Both of them are aging in the worst ways. 15 years ago they were two of the sexiest and best looking actors on the planet. Today they look like they took too many trips together through Brundlefly’s telepod and brought along a bag of marshmallows each time.
(*Val Kilmer picture was taken January 2009)
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Keywords: kathleen turner, val kilmer
Lindsay Lohan is Loose
As I predicted, Lindsay Lohan is recovering from her recent breakup with Samantha Ronson the only way she knows how. The NYP reports:
Lindsay Lohan is drowning her sorrows over her breakup with Samantha Ronson in a sea of men — and some friends are terrified she’ll go down the road Britney Spears traveled two years ago. Except that, unlike Spears, Lohan doesn’t have a stable family member to lean on. The faux lesbian has been “a complete and utter wreck” since Ronson broke it off with her two weeks ago, and has been spending time with “a different man every night,” said one concerned friend. Some of the guys include “90210″ star Kellan Lutz — who “has been out of town this week, but they are in constant contact,” the friend said — as well as British paparazzo Chris Jepson. On April 15, Lohan and Jepson were inseparable at a Hollywood Hills house party. According to a spy, they even went into a bathroom together and didn’t come out for quite some time. Friends fear that Lohan is in a “meltdown” situation and has no career to fall back on. Lohan, who can’t get an acting gig because of her antics and the high cost of insuring her, is said to be interested in joining the burlesque “Peepshow” at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas. The show stars former Spice Girl Melanie Brown (Mel B/Scary Spice) as mistress of ceremonies Peep Diva, while Kelly Monaco is Bo Peep, the Diva’s timid protégé. Lohan joined the duo backstage after catching the show Saturday night and approached the director about a part, which would require her to appear topless. Meanwhile, since the Ronson split, the former starlet has not only gone back to men — she’s also gone back to partying all night, every night. Last week, she hit six clubs in one evening. Lohan doesn’t have a rep and her former publicist didn’t return calls.
Lindsay Lohan’s only answer to anything is sex and booze, so of course she’s going to be bar hopping and head bopping. She’s like the porn version of Little Bunny Foo Foo. At this point I wouldn’t even rule out field mice in Lindsay’s party plan.
Lindsay, her floppies, and her sister, Ali, shopping on Melrose this week:
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Keywords: ali lohan, lindsay lohan, side boob
Mischa Barton is Still a Mess
For no reason other than being bored and hoping for a gossip miracle, I prayed these pictures of Mischa Barton modeling for some desiger in Soho would be something that, for once, didn’t look like she’d spent the last month penetrating herself with every needle, Trainspotting, and Courtney Love fan that paid her attention, but I was wrong. Damn this optimism.
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Keywords: mischa barton
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