Jessica Simpson Chunks Up a Chili Cookoff

Jessica Simpson is barely over 5 feet tall and half of that is tits and chin, so it’s almost impossible for her to gain any weight without everyone noticing - even when she’s one of hundreds at a damn chili cookoff.

Jessica, being Beth from Dog the Bounty Hunter is not a look.  It’s a lifestyle.  There can only be one Beth.  Sorry, mama.

See Also

• Jessica Simpson is a Big Fat Drunken Mess
• Jessica Simpson Engaged To Footballer Beau
• Fox is Sorry Jessica Simpson Got Fat
• Jessica Simpson Can’t Stop Sucking
• Jessica Simpson is Drunk Again
• All Jessica Simpson news

Keywords: Jessica Simpson

Alanis Morissette Love

One of my vices is watching MTV’s Cribs. I hate myself for it. I’m ashamed, I suck for doing it.

Anyway, Alanis Morissette’s episode was worth watching. She’s one of the few people out there who successfully made a pretty zen sanctuary inside a concrete jungle, so good for her. I’d normally try to find something mean to say about her, since that’s kinda my thing, but I gave up trying after a minute - since I give up pretty easily. Now Alanis can go ahead and thank me for not going there.

“Thank you Jennayahh, fer-not makin fun-a mehh, thaynk you, THAYNK YOU JENNAAYEHH!! Uh-Yaay-eh-YayEh…”

See Also

• Alanis Morissette Bares Big Baby Bump in a Bikini
• All Alanis Morissette news

Keywords: Alanis Morissette, See Through, Sexy

Selena Gomez is Not Jennifer Lopez

Selena Gomez looks pretty much exactly like most of the girls her age who live near the U.S./Mexico border, so I’m not sure if anyone would recognize her in a crowd.  I saw her eating a burrito in the food court at the mall last week and when I yelled “Selena!!” everyone ran past her and upstairs to Windsor.  I guess “selena” translates to “free prom dresses” in Mexicanese.

See Also

• The 2009 Teen Choice Awards Were Like Totally
• All Selena Gomez news

Keywords: Selena Gomez